..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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