wat bout pragnant strippers??
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
