carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
