She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
