just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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