I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
