I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
