I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
