There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
