And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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