i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
