After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
