with your own penis?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
