That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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