It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
