Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
