theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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