Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
