So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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