i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
