Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
