You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then my night got REAL pukey
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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