This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
