I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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