It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she told me i tasted like america
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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