I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ok first of all what the fuck
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
