Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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