yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
