Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
