Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
did i just pee glitter
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
