If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
