I murdered the dance floor call the cops
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
