the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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