she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
