I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
