The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
