time to smoke my breakfast
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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