So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
did i walk over a car last night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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