i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
