I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
