this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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