I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes