my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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