I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo