Are you guys doing anything tonight?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.