Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
