If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
