Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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