i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
