Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
