hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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