I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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