guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
