Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
