I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
