I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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