Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
