do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His hands were made for my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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