in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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