Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
