it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
