the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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