So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My ass is underappreciated
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
