I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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