i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
