At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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