my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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