Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
