i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Omg the world wants us to be better people