After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.