the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.